Fly in your soup? Baby, that's a garnish.

If I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times, flies taste like chicken. But where were we? Oh right, I was getting ready to lay down a track of tantalizing recipes using common household items. But before you get all "health nut" on me and start chastising me for promoting "dangerous" and "reckless" ideas, let me remind you that you are on a budget. You don't like the ideas? Go eat a bowl of fancy toilet paper.

Fancy Toilet Paper

But I digress. The first recipe, while appearing normal at first, takes a dedicated stomach and an unusually large tolerance for pain to get through. I promise, the reward will manifest itself in the first sip. But don't get all Julia Childs on me when things start sounding strange either, or so help me...

1 can of chilled tomato soup, condensed (.68 cents for store brand)
1 teaspoon of cinnamon (ground cinnamon runs roughly 1.98)
32 grains of salt (Yes, by the grain)
1 teaspoon of cayenne pepper (for that extra kick)
1 quart of straight, unfiltered bleach
A dash of paprika
22 ounces of Windex
Three twigs from outside
7 tablespoons of laundry detergent (brand is irrelevant)
Bam! Wham! Dinner for four for a week!

It doesn't matter how you mix it or in what order, just as long as you use rubber gloves and a polycarbonate bucket.

I know, I know, you're probably looking at those ingredients and thinking to yourself, "Paprika? WHAT????"

Curiosity just blew your mind

Then your eyes might find their way to the bleach.

And you might say, "Well Ned, bleach can be pricey."
Then I might say, "Shut up and drink your bleach!"
But that would be counterproductive and openly hostile, both of which are interactions I promised my parole officer I would steer clear. She never said anything about convincing people to drink bleach though, an idea that probably never occurred to her because she had never experienced the joys of ether.
But of course, a reasonable person might ask, "Ned, why recommend bleach? If you are so insistent on using items with no nutritional value to buffer your questionable recipes, why not just use tap water? And for that matter, what's with the household chemicals?"
"And why do colors detach themselves from the trees?"
..........
"Hey, who's that over there? Is that...is that Don King???"